I
somewhere in the dark net the voice speaks to me surrounded by empty digital silence
and eyes open out oceanic eyes there in fragments colour gazing absent eyes moving nervously over the pixelated sea
something of anguish and rage delirious and silent heavy armour with the wings of a bird
the murmering binary beat of the heart encased in its own cold net
murmers ruggedly digitised signals from my eternal recording angel bearing cryptic acronyms words digital wreckage smoking lieing in surrender retreating into silence
night drenches with its crushing invasion and you like a weapon begin to show the eternal thirst that flows from any angle
at any time you like a weapon a shifting road gone blank

II
I have the sky the atlas with dream wings light house road dark afternoons dark following your silent signs
across the thin blue net that holds up the sky I follow from silent signs a pattern
cryptic wreckage recording sealed words your message arrives with the burning perfume of the future
I accelerate myself to join with you my skin moves faster than time
and all the currents that pulse through me carry your signature I align every pattern in me to your angles to break the code
to shatter the sky
[your fire delirious rage perfect yes a heavenly moment of rage forged with black solitude that nothingness quickly gone time empty fragments white gone oblivion reached from your body your fire beats my heart with its silent wings your open eyes burning overwhelming crossed with its thirst somewhere]
to choose the eroded pattern the choice between the thin blue shattered body and the silent terrain

III. white and black your white skin your black hair forming the solid outline of the fluid world zero and one
white and black full of opposites curved the way time folds around the edges of a dream in every direction the horizon suggests the indefinable expansion a curve with an unmeasurable angle your irrational number
white and black your body the flag of a foriegn country where the ocean has turned white and the population is asleep lost and asleep a sea of faces floating below the surface your body is their collective flag dream waving above their heads above their closed eyes
in some moment that arrives like a silent movie of the future from a room where the clock's hands bend back
we are together filled with that strange energy and there in that moment its not enough that you have a body and I have a body its not enough to touch your skin its too finite too defined and if I could dissolve the world and collapse all matter and language that surround us wrap myself inside you every particle that forms you every particle that connects to you through your forehead to the shrouds of light that cascade through you learn the tidal shapes there moving dark patterns that well up unexpectedly search for a light to still these storms or drown there in the dark you around me
but I remain here separate senseless and solid observing this image you fixed in this holding pattern traversing intact the void between wave and number
you disappear behind this name the image I construct of you absently talking to you as though you were present

IV
now here nowhere I am here empty but present still but moving thinking I'd followed you here followed you here to find you empty you my name you who I find when I search for myself written in the patterns on my skin [why do you only open your mouth when I open mine?] more empty than a shadow my dark recording angel [shadow or reflection how could I distinguish this mutual vacuum when you keep repeating everything?] perhaps I am a pale ghost silently moving on the wrong side of the sky in an invisible trajectory
and I am full full of your emptiness [or you are full of mine]
V
in the night I gather up the sky I gather it around me wrap myself in this curtain of constellations put out every star one by one I put them out
the stars your eyes [that I close] one by one your eyes lost child - self or other [your voice can never tell me]
I extinguish each star and wrap myself in the night's wings wrap myself and close it and close the light close it
thinking you'd remain in that degrading holding pattern out of sight foreign matter to silence every wave to zero every number each chemical neutral

and then its quiet I hit this silence like a wall like I've fallen from a bridge I hit it with every nerve and cell of my body
[my body as it exists and as it believes it exists]
its impact a sudden momentary writhing in a vacuum and from this place with unnatural slowness
from this silent point observe the ritual disintegration of my body
while I can still see them I want ask them where they're going my hand is laughing [why is that?]
and there another hand and another like a hindu statue I grow limbs as fast as I can tear them off other bodies hidden in my body mirage after mirage around the void I begin to forget
I forget and they're overtaken words and body by the spreading pool some essential darkness spreading out
a lost name

a dream written on the insides of my eyelids swamping the faint voices of the dead that move through my body the voices
memories of selves or others other selves lame limping other selves greying out ghost-like embracing the equally dark
at this zero point where all sound and light are jettisoned I wait again in this familiar darkness but the stillness continues to move my eyes adjust to the light defining form again from emptiness the void becomes solid and I climb beyond the sky to another void only to define this new darkness and rise once more in infinite repetition until its impossible to tell whether I'm transcending or just transforming the same light to darkness flickering with the appearance of motion the choice to move only from zero to one and return turning back
I'm circling these twin stars black and white

lv 10.07.98